tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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