I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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