Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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