How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
