I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize