i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
