the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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