Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize