last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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