feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
