My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize