Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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