I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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