Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
