he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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