last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
did you just send me my own nude
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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