Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
