NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
