I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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