I think my fart just growled at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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