She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
