I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
