Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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