worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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