Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
