were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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