Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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