I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize