I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
