so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
