fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
