just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
