I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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