you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
