I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
