Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.

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(347): View more from New York

k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .

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(206): View more from Washington

So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

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(217): View more from Illinois

this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members

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(731): View more from Tennessee

He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me

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(207): View more from Maine

His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.

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(813): View more from Florida

Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.

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