I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
