In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize