Pappa wants mamma naked
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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