boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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