You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
