I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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