you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
