I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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