did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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