So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
