I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I forget how to act sober
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
