I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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