It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
