home. puking in laundry basket.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
