i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I deserve this hangover.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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