Plan B is the new Plan A
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize