There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
