i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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