my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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