You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
