I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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