Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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