So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
