I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
