Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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