i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
