He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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