I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
