ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
