I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
