What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
