you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
