So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
