Apparently you make a good broom.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
