These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
