i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
