Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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