he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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