I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
not ubering you a puppy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize