Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
