I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
3 2 1 whiskey
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
COCAINE IS GR8
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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