you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize