Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
